Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Here's an interesting video I've found on Youtube recently. I like the angles the video designer took and I think it conveys various messages on several levels. Of course one of the obvious ones would probably be about the environment and greenhouse effect in the eyes of a media practitioner. The other is the evolution of typology where an artist clusters things of the same nature/type in a group or a series. In this case, the video designer used three groups: numbers, alphabets and nature (i.e trees, flowers). The third is the importance of words and figures and how they affect our lives. Words work as double edge sword, sometimes good, sometimes bad, hence the representation of the sun and acid rain. But brushing all of these aside, i think it is a rather good animation. Also note that the soundtrack is Ratatat's 'Norstrand'.

Loud Pipes

Morning. It's 0755am and I'm already in the computer labs. I've got to start working on my EMT Movie Mashup, and I can't brace myself in the cold windy nights to come to the labs so I decided I'd start the day off early. And since I'm here and it's not yet 8am, i decided to take advantage of the fast speed to stream some youtubes. I was chatting with one of the techies on Msn last night (David Stanley...a cool nice guy who's into Asian culture...anyways, techies are the coolest people and they are demi-gods to me). David told me to check out this vid by Jimi Hendrix but i didnt have the latest flash player...so i decided to check it out today. While i was at it, I found Ratatat's Loud Pipes. What a good track to kick start a day!

Do yourself a favour and listen to it please.

Ok. Got to go. Why am i doing quarterly logs these days?

Happy is an understatement

I can't believe it. I'm beyond happy. Yan said he bought 2 tickets to the Buena Vista Cafe( Cuban Jazz concert) and asked if i mind accompanying him. It's the one I wanted to go too but was too expensive! I can't believe it. I'm beyond happy. I wanna do a little salsa move now!

My Typical Day

The third episode of '48' is out on Tada Radio. Just thought I do a shout-out for that.

It's Tuesday and I've back at Law Library tonight. It's crowded at night and I'm kinda bumped out that my usual spot by the window is taken up.

(Oh. My. Gosh. So this is how i sound during my bathroom karaoke session...) Sorry, I'm multitasking, blogging while listening to the radio drama.

This is the typical life of an international student living alone outside. Throughout the day, her mind never stops thinking of what to do next. The day starts off at 7am, followed by breakfast and a hot cup of coffee (i need my java kick). This is followed by a long bath (i'll talk about that in another post). Then it's off to class, or to the library or to work. Juggling everything makes it vital to keep a diary, which has a list of to-dos and for me, a diet list.

It is not unusual for an international student to make a dash to Coles to buy grocery in between classes just to secure good bargains(which caused me to skip 1 lecture once! hahah)Or constantly pray that the rain doesn't fall because her laundry is left outside.

It is also not unusual for an international student to miss home and family on a cold weather like this. I'm missing Malaysia's sunny weather faster than i expected!

Oops. The drama has ended. Means its time to get back to work. I should blog about my interesting Sunday out recording sounds for my sound assignment...and how i managed to spit out 1000 words in 2 hours at 6am in the morning. Which is why its bugging me right now that I am spending 4 hours on a 750 words that is only worth 15 per cent. Bugger. Still. Duty calls.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Wait a minute...

Wait a minute. You didn't spoil me. I SPOILT YOU.


Here's a list of what I'm up and what I've discovered lately

I am currently reading...
Alain de Botton's "Essays in Love"

I am currently (back) into ...
Salsa, Afro-Cuban music.

Latest album bought...
Son 14: The Greatest Hits

Artists I've discovered...plus albums I'm looking out for...
Ratatat - Wildcats
JJ Grey & Mofro - Orange Blossoms, Lochloosa
Putumayo - Salsa series

I currently dig...
Ketna Patel's contemporary collages.

I am addicted to...
My $3 a box 18 sachets of Mocconna Strong Cap.

I seriously need to...
Cut down on my caffeine intake. I'm tipping at avearge 2 cups a day. On a good day.

My mind is working on...
My sound assignment. My journalism report. My Modern Asia biblio.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Anzac at Library

It's Anzac day today, and hence a public holiday. Anzac day is the anniversary day of the first major military action fought by Australia and New Zealand forces during the First World War. However, after the second world war, the tradition of paying respect to the fallen soldiers were expanded to include those who died in the Second World War. A series of long held traditions are kept on this day, such as the Dawn Service, the Anzac Day March around Australia and New Zealand, Anzac biscuits (originally made by a group of women for the soldiers during WW1), etc.

It's been a busy month for Australians and Melburnians i reckon. Just before Easter chocolates settle in, we are already nibbling crumbs off our Anzac biscuits. The cold and wet weather does not seem to dampen the liveliness of Melburnians too. Last night Ivan and I encircled the city by foot for two hours! We were actually out to seek Hardware lane, a lane with interesting cafes and bars. It's tucked away in a corner of Elizabeth and Collins and hence we had a hard time finding it. I was actually in search of a quiet cafe where i can do some readings but you can never find 'quietness' or 'solidarity' in the city on a friday night. at every corner, people are filling in bars and clubs, cafes, restaurants, theatres (especilly since its the last week of comedy fest). I reckon no true Melburnians stay at home on a Fri night. It's time for booze, catch up and good pat on each other's back.

We were so tired but satisfied at the end of the night. I brought Ivan to Brunetti for cakes and coffee... Cappucino, Long Black, Italian cheesecake and French pastry....what better way to cap off a cold, wet, booze-free friday night?

Alright, I'm at the Vic State Library right now actualy (because all UniMelb's library are closed due to Anzac Day). I still think nothing beats Law Library...but the good side is free wireless internet. =)

Have a nice day ahead, and i'm on good tracks. No worries.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


The radio drama that i've been honoured to be a part of is finally out on Tada Radio. Visit http://www.tada-radio.com/

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Personal Resolution

For those of you who are still gaping, please do not be reeled over by the sudden confession that i've made. Understand also that i've been considering this a long time but have not found the courage to do so. But i believe that it is still early for me to recuperate and get my life back in order and the only way to mend this issue is to first address it. This confession, and the trackings of my recovery progress which will ensue is not to alarm anyone but to commit myself to a fixture. Perhaps also, this decision of mine will inspire other people out there who are facing the same problem to come out of the dark with the assurance that you are not alone.

In terms of eating disorders, i have been on both extreme ends. Although my condition is nothing severe, i later found out through research that i fall into the statistics of girls battling with eating disorder. I used to deprive myself of food and obsess over calorie counting since i was in high school. For the past year, i have paradoxically used food as a substitute for other things in my life. In other words, I am an emotional binge eater and I've been hiding this from loved ones all along. But as much as i've used food as a comfort, i found no solace in it. One or two pieces of Tim Tam on a stressful night might be a comfort, but a whole pack in less than half an hour followed by other junk food out of sadness is not. It did not make me feel good, in fact, i was lethargic and unenergetic. I realised i was hurting myself more with the things that i thought would heal me. I was very ashamed and guilty, and the more ashamed and guilty i became,the more i abused food.

I realise that this has come to an end for a better state of mind and a healthier body. But no worries, as i said, it is not an alarming problem and I would prefer if you not ask me anything about it. Hopefully, this blog will serve as a space for me to deal with the psychological and emotional aspects of my problem. And i hope that as spectators, you will wait and cheer on me as i finish this course with triumph. =)

Eating Disorder:=Mental Disorder

If you haven't heard, eating disorder is a psychological illness that affects 70 million males and females worldwide (Eating Disorders 101 Guide: A Summary of Issues, Statistics and Resources, 2003). A new study by Australian experts has shown that children as young as five are being treated for eating disorders. The researchers led by Dr Sloane Madden, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Westmead Children's Hospital in Sydney, found that the instances of eatng disorder among these children have become so severe that food must be forcefully fed to them (Hay,2009)

Eating disorder is a complex mental illness that ecompasses two extremes of dietary intake. At one end there is anorexia nervosa, where one deprives oneself of food in order to look thin. At the far end of the spectrum lies binge eating disorder where one consume excessive amount of food in a very short time, often in one seating. What lies between the two is bulimia nervosa, where one purges after excessive eating due to guilt. Factors that lead to these illnesses vary from social factors to psychological factors to biological factors (Eating disorders, 2008)

Although statistics show that 1 in every 5 women suffers from eating disorder, it is safe to assume that the numbers are higher due to the number of unreported cases (Eating Disorders 101 Guide: A Summary of Issues, Statistics and Resources, 2003). Many are still left in the dark because they are either ashamed or in denial.

Eating Disorders, 2008, Better Health Channels, retrieved 23rd April 2009,http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/BHCV2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Eating_disorders?Open

Hay,P.J. 2009, Eating disorders in younger children: current issues and unanswered questions, The Medical Journal of Australia: 190 (8): 403-404.

The Renfrew Center Foundation for Eating Disorders, "Eating Disorders 101 Guide: A Summary of Issues, Statistics and Resources," published September 2002, revised October 2003, http://www.renfrew.org.


I believe all of us are walking closets filled with hidden skeletons. Each one of us holds a deep, dark secret that is waiting to manifest itself upon our appearances and behaviour. Some of these secrets are shared among a trusted partner, some with family members; but often times we carry these crosses on our backs alone willingly. Willingly because the slightest bit of its exposure threatens to shatter the contradictary image we project on the surface. Willingly because we are not ready to let others see this side of us, not even ourselves. For some, these secrets lay on the shelves of our kitchen cabinets, for others it is stashed under our beds, or locked up in a cyber world. Most of the time, it shares the common characteristics of being shut away, unseen or unheard of and profoundinly surprising, even to the eyes of the offender.

We are most vulnerable when we think we are the strongest. We are our greatest enemy. We may not give in to the person beside us, or the obstacle that was put before us by others, but we are easily trapped by our own weaknesses. This is because we believe we pose no threat to ourselves. We naively let our guards down to ourselves, unaware of the habitual diseases that are eating us alive.

Worst still if we fail to acknowledge the self inflicted desease. We adamantly believe we have everything under control, because we refuse to believe it is us, our sid and ego, that holds the key to our self destruction. Nonetheless, the power to beautify and strengthen ourselves lies on the far end of the spectrum but we are often to stubborn to acknowledge the problem, much less to fix it.

Hence we wait. We wait in the dark till light pours in. We seek for intervention without calling out for it. Or, we wait till it catches up with our inability to conceal it further. We wait till it takes on a life of its own. Often times, it is already too late. Tragically, sometimes it comes to live on the expense of our own.

I too have a dark secret and I have this paranoia that one day someone would come up to me and say, 'hey, i've been watching you. i know what you're doing.' But as much as i fear the appearence of this person, i await on him or her as my buoy out in the rough, choppy sea. I yearn for this holy intervention, i yearn for one to say,'i know you. I know what you're dealing with. Come with me.'

Yet i know my secret is not a deadly one and i have the balance of power over it. It is a problem shared by many many people, even famous faces we see on TV like Oprah. Great people, people with the force to change the world, but not to change themselves. Until they realise. I am writing this now because I believed i have hit rock bottom with this problem and i want to take control over it. I will not discuss the severity of this problem or what i've done. I'm done with emotional binge eating and i do not want to continue to use food as a substance of abuse. I am coming out from the dark because i want to come face to face with it. I think the first step to self recovery is to admit and acknowledge the problem. You can judge me at the back of your minds, it's alright. I just want to step out of the dark so anyone else who shares the same secret will have the courage to face it too.

I am not seeking for your help and i do not want to discuss it with anyone. This admission helps me by subconciosuly reminding myself that i am now exposed, by myelf, and i have the responsibility to treat myself better. I am answerable to you, the one who's reading this and i hope to get back to you with good reports. Let me rephrase that. I will get back to you with good reports.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Shut up. Just shut up.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Alright. It's time to take the pieces up and move on. Unconsciously I've still kept our pictures on my wall, in my wallet, my passwords down to the things I used everyday bear reminescence of 'us'. But i think i've wallowed too long. I've lost momentum, lost control. Running from one door to the other, hoping someone would let me in. That has to stop. There's too many things to see, do and explore. I have to shift my attention back to my priorities. You are right, everybody else is right too. They can say, 'I told you so.', it doesn't matter. I have zero regrets in sharing that part of my life with you and it'll continue on as we grow-just in a different frame. We can learn a lot from our mistakes, and hopefully that will make us a better person. You have my blessings in whatever, whatever you do, for eternity. Love her not in the shadow of us because she deserves to be under a spotlight. Love her in the light of the correction of your previous mistakes.

At the end of the day, a relationship should make you happy, make you a better person, help you learn and grow. If we stick to the simple, innocent basic rule, it should be fine. =) I've always believed that.

Little princess, signs off.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Wispy memories

Good. I shouldn't have asked but...good. I guess.

You ever wonder how wispy memories can be? They're like clouds, easily formed, easily shredded apart. Or like a delicate pearl chain. Beads of memories held firmly together by a string ; yet when someone knocks it over, it breaks and scatters to the ground. Shattered, disarrayed, forelon.

I find myself running after it as if it was a departing train. Scurried for echoes of our laughters, the warmth of your hugs, the desperation of clinging on to something...

...something so fragile. Like life.

I saw you yet you were void. I saw through you. You're like a black fog now.

Time to sleep now little princess.

How a Sunday should be.

It was great to finally have everybody back at home, around the dinner table. The past two weeks, a discomforting gloom and loneliness loomed over the infamously 'happening' unit. Neil had been out with his friends a lot while Kelvin eloped with his broken heart, leaving Ivan alone at home, keeping Boredom company.

He came home, finally. I reckon we all breathed the same sigh of relief. Me, perhaps with maternal instincts, feeling stronger than the rest. The other person that I thought I lost was acting normal again too. I was hoping, not too hard,that everything was normal. And so we bustled around the kitchen, me over the pot of chicken curry, Ivan slicing his salted fish. Finally, we were at the table, each with our own distinctive plates, talking,laughing, eating, like normal. Me, with my maternal instincts again, pleased as they went for seconds and thirds. And I, succumbing to my intrinsic, domestic, unfeminist role of a mother, spooned more curry into the fast emptying bowl. We ate, asked how his weekend was, tried to look beyond the tired, tear strained eyes.

After dinner and oranges, we parted to our own work, after helping me with my pc. Each again, to his own confined space, own leisure, own work, own determination.

I had seen the pictures on Facebook and knew what was going on. Or at least, i anticipated what was about to happen. The explanation (slash confirmation) did come after all. What did you expect me to say? How did you want me to respond? I said everything truthfully. I meant it. If you're happy, I'm happy. Glad to know she's a good girl who can bring positive influence to you. Phil Collins started crooning 'You have no right...to ask me how i feel...'

I forgotten how long it took me to sleep. I lay awake, eyes up to the ceiling, picturing you and her sisters, ice cream... I listen as Neil took two deep, long breaths in his sleep. I felt suffocated with my short gasp. The familar smell of sleep and masculine perfume brought me home.

But this is not my bed and this is not my home. The illusion of belonging to a home is so condescending. As much as you want to belong somewhere, you will never quite belong anywhere outside yourself.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


One of the reasons i like travelling alone is that it gives much more space and oppotunity to talk to strangers and learn interesting things about them. Ironically, this trip brought me closer to myself yet closer to the world beyond me. In one day, i've managed to engage in a little chat with a beautiful french girl Audrey, who was heading to Torquay for the surfing competition. I was actually fortunate to bump into Audrey, who walked me to Southern Cross Station.She told me how difficult it was to look for a place to live in Melbourne CBD and that she had been trying so hard to find a part time job. However, it has been her life long dream to come to Australia, and is enjoying every second of it.

At Southern Cross, I talked to a Sri Lankan family who was coming from Prahran to Geelong. The young mother was studying corporate communication at Deakin University. Although we didn't talk much, i could feel their joy of relating to a diasporic Asian migrant, regardless of how different our social and cultural background was. Before we parted, she smiled sweetly,shyly, and with struggling English, said,' you a beautiful girl...' I blushed just as much as she did.

The next family that I talked to was a retired couple from Adelaide, who were bypassing Victoria towards Sydney and then Canberra. They're on a 3 weeks tour around Australia and were in Geelong to visit a friend. We talked about travelling, as they shared their experiences in Phuket and Bali. We talked as I sat on the grass,savouring my fish and chips. The Country Music the live band was playing filled in the silent gaps between our conversations just nicely.

It was on the Queenscliff jetty that I met Mr.Tony, an old Italian man i would live to regret not having more time to spend with. Tony was as stereotypical Italian man, with srtong Italian accent and a playful sense of humour. We must've spent no less than 20 minutes, walkng along the jetty just talking. We first started talking about fishing and cooking those mini swordfishes that could be caught easily in Queenscliff. Then our conversation shifted towards his family and life here in Australia. Interestingly, Tony married a Norwegian, Isla, and had a daughter, Heidi, who grew up in Australia. His son-in-law is originally from Malta. Tony chuckled and beamed with pride at how multi-cultured his family was. I could tell that he loved his daughter a lot too because he had a twinkle in his eyes when he spoke of her. I was then introduced to his family--wife, daughter and son-in-law, who were all friendly and... slightly embarassed that their 'old man was boring me with his stories'. But he sure wasn't! I kept laughing as Tony poked fun at Chinese, Italians and Swedish, and felt his pride as he talked about his daughter. Incidentally, we bumped into each other again later on, and he pat my cheeks in a very Italian gesture and said,'ah...we meet again!' gurgling with laughter. As mentioned, i really wished i had spent a longer time with this nice family, or at least gotten a picture of Tony, whose last name i regretabby do not know. =(

It is amazing how a simple 'So, where are you heading to?' or a blatant comment about the weather can lead to interesting conversations. I've always wished I could create a montage of these people and their stories, a collection or archive that might be resourceful from time to time.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Good Friday

I woke up at 0630am this morning. But i was hardly tired-I had a couple of 'small' missions to complete. Firstly, I thought of being an easter bunny this year and leave mini chocolate bars and eggs outside each of my friend's door. Hence, early in the morning i crept into Walsh and place their egg baskets just outside their door-half hoping no one would be hung over from last night and step on it. (they didn't!)

Then i started on my journey down to Queenscliff, which was an hour and a half drive away from Melbourne. Of course i didnt drive down...instead i took a train from Southern Cross Station to Geelong, then from Geelong a shuttle bus to the Malpone--where the event was held.

The Queenscliff Seafood Festival is said to be Australia's largest Seafood Festival, and judging from the crowd that turned up today, it probaly is true. The fest is also a fund raising event for the Royal Children's Hospital's Good Friday Aid. Well, apart from wanting to head somewhere far for Easter, i attended this event partly for my Hard News Story Assignment. I thought I'd get some good pictures and maybe interview some people (but never got to in the end because they were too busy. I was skeptical at first(and a little worried on behalf on the organizers) seeing the small turnout in the morning. The big park look just like any other park on the weekends. Families were sprawled across, on their picnic mats, fully equipped with fod from the fest and snacks they brought from home. Children were running everywhere, their laughters offering an extra jingle to the live band that was playing on stage.

Queenscliff is a small coastal fishing village, a nice friendly neighbourhood where you can find interesting french arts stuff. A local told me to try out some good gelatos which i unfortunately did not have enough capacity to stomach (had too much dutch fritters in the fest). I strolled around and managed to buy 2 bohemian dresses! (yay! but please don't tell my mum!)

Thursday, April 2, 2009


Line after line, i typed it all out.


Line after line, i deleted it all.


where can i go at 3am
with a bucket of tears
a gallon of memories
a night of no sleep
miles and miles away

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Picture Songs

'There was once a beautiful cloud who blew birds from its mouth...'

-Darby Hudson

Lentils About Nothing

It's Wednesday night and I did nothing course-related except to enjoy good food,listen to our own laughter, relate to people and reflect on life lessons---plus a lot of horny jokes.

Jessie, Yan and I wanted to try out an interesting Vegetarian restaurant in Brunswick that was presumably good. The interesting bit about this restaurant is that you pay for whatever price you think it's value, so you can be a cheapskate and pay $3 (shame on you if you think of paying anything lower than that!. However, when we finally got there, we couldn't locate the restaurant. We walked up and down the street only to realise that a bar has replaced Lentils about Nothing. =( We ended up eating a PRICEY Japanese meal(because the portion was so SMALL, it was possibly meant for Japanese girls. But, we had so much fun talking and laughing. Yan wasnt full after that, so we went to Brunettis at Lygon Street for cakes and coffee. More talking and laughing. Brunettis is a restaurant/bakery/cafe that spreads across 4 shoplots. They have anything from pasta, salad, glorious cakes, pastries, pizza, coffee to ice cream and it's crowded! Great place to hang out with friends i guess.

The occassion was break ups and Yan's job offer...valid reasons to chill on a Wed night?

Point aside. I picked some really intresting movie flyers that I reallY REALLY want to watch. My novel/movie itch is back again...Here's the list of movies I wanna watch:
1. Good
2. Queit Chaos
3. Wendy and Lucy
4. The Boy in Stripped Pyjamas
5 (A movie about the International Committee of Safety Zone during the Japanese intrusion into Nanking...Adrian recommended it) Adrian is undertaking Post Grad studies in International Politics. Another interesting fellow I'd talk about next time.

Novels on my shelves are:
1. The Rape of Nanking (halfway through)
2. Last One Out (an account on the Burma-Thailand Death Railway)
3. Modern Feminism in Japan
4. Janet Frame's Towards Another Summer
5. Alan Marshall's Short Stories

Now...i need to find time.