Friday= Part 2

I left the theatre in a hurry. YikHan called several times to ask if I wanted to tag along to an orientation event organized by the Australian-Asian Club at Club 7. Clubbing. Hmm... I was reluctant. You did say you wanted to check it out one day, so I thought this was the best chance, plus you can meet some people, make new friends. Hmm. I gave in thinking, oh wat the heck, it's Friday night anyways, and I did want to see how the clubbing scene actually looked like. But i have to have dinner first, then change and dress up, it'll take me an hour. Sure, he said. Just call me when you're done.

So i had Nasi Lemak cooked by my housemate. Funny, i would've never eaten Nasi Lemak back at home yet here I am miles away missing Nasi Lemak. Then i got dressed, half wondering if i'd regret this, seems like I've been playing this mind game all day long.

Next thing I know, we were on the tram, along with the other hoards of asian students on the way to the event. I texted Jimmy. I'm on the way home now darling, will come online soon k? He replied. Oh. I wanted to tell you that I'm going to a club tonight. I wondered what he would say or think. Hopefully he won't feel too dejected. But Jimmy wasn't really the controlling type. He told me to have fun and not accept drinks offered by strangers. I was to read this message only an hour later.

My phone rang as soon as we hopped off the tram. It was mum. Calling at 7pm was unusual. She missed me, i reckon. I miss her too. So what are you doing now? She asked. Oh, i just had dinner with friends. I felt like standing in the middle of the road and killing myself. I will keep your favourite almond biscuits and bring it along in September. She said. I choked. I was close to seeing white lights already. We talked about work, and classes, and we laughed. She was happy i was settling down so soon, and that i've even found a job. Dad is almost home, she said, announcing the end of our conversation. Alright mum, will call you guys soon!

The knots in my stomach tightened. My legs were becoming heavy. I wanted to turn back. More so when I saw the young and hip crowd waiting in a long line just to get in. Youths like me, as lost and confused as I am. But they probably not as confused and nervous as I was feeling then. I felt as if i was wearing a chicken suit. You don't belong here. I told myself. Thankfully, the rules of the game decided where i had to go. The bouncer denied my entry despite Han's persuasion. It's the rules, she has to have a pass, mate.

That's my ticket home. I apologized over and over again and told him to go ahead without me. He couldn't mask his disappointment. I felt bad but it didn't felt right. Like an apparition, mum and jimmy's image floated in front of me.

I hopped on absent mindedly on the next tram I could catch. It wasn't moving but I'm sure it was headed towards the city. It's been cold and wet lately, huh? I said, engaging in a small talk with a lady in front of me. The driver was no where to be seen. Ms X from Brisbane and I conversed a little, our topic random and disconnected. The tram started to move and I chose to remain quiet again, conscienciously wondering if I talked too much.

The tram started to chug along its tracks. As we passed unfamiliar buildings, I started to feel uncomfortable. Ms X did say she was from Brunswick...was this tram heading towards Brunswick? Crap. Did I hop on to the wrong tram? Two Koreans mentioned something about the city and hurriedly jumped off the tram. It didn't look like the city I knew so I decided to stay put. Ms X assured me that it will pass through Carlton. Which it did. And she was kind enough to inform me when we were at the Royal Melbourne Hospital. You do know where you're going right? I think this is the nearest to Carlton. she said.

No, i dont know where i am or where i'm going.

But i smiled and said, yeah, i'll be alright. Thank you and nice meeting you, i said, offering a handshake.

It was past 12am. My only assets were my keys, phone and a dollar. I was wearing a skirt under my black trenchcoat and i felt chilly. Where do i go now? 7-11. An old man, with black crooked teeth and grey wispy beard, pointed me to the tram that heads back to Elizabeth Street. He could've passed as a beggar, yet he articulated well and walked in full, fast stride. For a moment, i wondered where he was heading to after he disappeared into the night.

Two young Vietnamese girls and a man who looked like a Bulgarian were laughing and teasing each other at the tram stop. They must've just gotten off work. An Asian diaspora, just like me, fighting for a slice off the white men's cake.

The tram finally arrived and the bald driver looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes. Suzie Wong is probably lost, he must've thought. He could've been right, only Suzie Wong is a stereotype that Asian girls my generation have outlived and outsmarted. But i was too tired to fight. I just wanted to get home. I just wanted to go online and ask how your day went. I temporarily forgot I was angry about that same old issue.

The tram reached the south point of Victoria Market. I heeded the cue and hopped off. The dead silent of the stalls that is brought to live during the day sent a slight chill up my spine. I doubled the speed of my pace.

20 minutes of walking led me home. I emptied my clutch. Turned on my laptop and signed in.

Darling, i'm home.