I once criticized a loved one for being overly cynical and for closing up his heart after previous heartbreaks. Back then, I thought that we ought to be able to pick ourselves up after each setback in a nick of time, ought to remain positive, ought to leave the past behind and treat each new relationship as if there were none before. Now i know that that is anything but an idealistic approach to love and life. Amiable, but idealistic. The truth is, after having your hand burnt once, twice by fire, your instincts prevents you from the possibility making the same mistake again. When i once floated into a relationship, I now take hesitant, apprehensive baby steps; when i once thought myself to be brave, i now find myself timid; when I once had high expectations of myself and the person I loved, I now learnt how to come with nothing, yet go away with much; when I was once complete yet empty, I am now fractured yet more wholesome; when i was thought i have to give everything, i'm now sure i don't have everything to give. I think the thing about growing up is not so much about realising your strengths, but rather, about realising your weaknesses and learning how to protect yourself from the threats of such weaknesses. Growing up is really not about being more certain. I think the older you get, the more you are aware of the trappings of life, the more you know that life gets the best of you, even when you think you're guarded-the more you are uncertain. Then again, uncertainty leads to curiosity, curiosity leads to discovery, and what if life without discovery?

Love, likewise, becomes more and more uncertain as you grow. But such uncertainty forces you to take a chance, it forces you to take a leap of faith, and isn't life itself a bet?