spiralling words

honestly, i don't feel my feet on the ground.
it's like, i know how to swim
yet i am flapping in the water
i know about the theories, i've drawn a mind map
i have the skeleton, i even have the flesh,
the muscles. but it lacks a heart.

i wonder if birds ever forget how to fly?


* * *

constipated. that's the look i wear on my face these days.

* * *

i woke up at 3am. at 4am. and at 6am. then i gave up sleeping.

* * *

i'm thinking of mum all of a sudden. as jessie was going out to work today,
i got up from my work to say goodbye to her.
i remember jumping out from bed to say bye to mum every morning
i was 6 then
sometimes i would sit beside her and played around with her cosmetics
as she got dressed for work
i can still remember the smell of her La Poem perfume
and her well-pressed shoulder padded suits

* * *

I'm thinking of her
I'm thinking of me

我的经典乌龙

今天中午为FF做饭时，我开玩笑地骂他是个肥仔，吃那么多，害我每次做的饭都不够。

然后我自嘲地说道， ‘哎呀，叫你肥仔，就像以一百步笑五十步一样。。。’

FF听了，嘴歪歪地，笑了一下。 ‘哇，很不错啊。还会用‘一百步笑五十步’啊。。。不错不错。。’

听他酱夸， 我心里沾沾自喜， 开心得不得了。

。。。‘不错。。。因为别人是用‘一五十步笑一百步’的， 你的却相反。。。很厉害， 很厉害。。。哈哈哈。。。哈哈哈。。。’


他。妈。的。

（btw,乌龙 lite lie dat collect or not?)

Sliding doors

Kelly's baby was finally called home to heaven after one month of pain and suffering.

My cousin, Janice, gave birth to her first child, my nephew, on the same day.

You almost wondered if a peaceful transaction had taken place in heaven, if two souls had brushed shoulders through heaven's sliding doors.

I cannot even try to comprehend what it feels like to be in either situation, but i do know that though they are different, there are underlying similarities. Both contains joy, sadness, and relief. Both involves hurt and pain, physically, mentally.

I dreamt of both babies last night and they were both beautiful. One had fought her battle, short and meaningful. One was asleep, unaware of the hurdles that were ahead of him. Or perhaps he knew, and he was already mastering the skill...of closing his eyes and remaining calm and still in the face of adversity.

sink

Let me slip, let me melt,
like butter, let me run,
through my solemn fun,
disappear, before being felt.

Let me sink, let me fall,
over the edge, the brink,
without having to think,
let me engulf me, my all.

Let me slide, let me wither,
crawl towards the door,
let me slip into forevermore,
shall i ever want to never?

想家

I didn't realise how much I miss home still until I found a clip on 'how to get to The Curve' on youtube.

Seeing the familiar route back to my house, I pointed to the screen and looked to FF, exclaiming," 这个。。。这个就是去我家的路！" , my voice quivering slightly as tears welled up.

I thought about how i used to drive or how i was driven down this road. Instantly, the smell, noise and dust of that bustling street teased my five senses.

By the time I realised that I'm still a thousand miles away from home, tears are streaming down my cheeks already.

FF gave my shoulders a tight squeeze and smiled at me knowingly, ‘哎，毕竟还是一个想家的孩子啊。。。’

The Perfect Fit.

It feels like i have not been able to spend time alone, recollecting my thoughts for quite some time. A lot has happened lately, from my family, to uni to our relationship, but they're mostly positive changes.

I would metaphorically describe my present state as a perfect fit in a Levi's jeans. You know those hip hugging jeans that wraps nicely around your waist and accentuating your butt. Its stretchability allows you to take a comfortable yet proud stride everytime you walk. Others need not be in your shoes to notice the difference, the satisfaction and joy just radiates from within. You're comfortable. It's not too tight, it's not too baggy, it's not too long and it's not too short. It's the perfect fit.

It has nothing to do with your figure. It's just tailored for to accommodate or correct your imperfections by first embracing them.

That's how i feel right now. After years (though a relatively short period of time) of wearing ill-fitting jeans, i am finally able to breathe in this one.

I'm in that pair of jeans right now, that allows me to be just who i am and more. The pair of jeans i can wear to attend classes, to stroll in the park, to cook in the kitchen, to lounge in my living room, to sit at a family dinner, to dance at a friend's party and to wear as PJs.

It's not expensive, just very precious and very rare to find.

0830am

DON'T GO YET, I'm BACK!

It's Strike Day at RMIT. The lecturers are going on a strike for higher pay. One of their slogans read, 'Pay Up for Quality Education!' I pretend that paying up does not mean paying more, and even if it means that, international students are exempted because we are practically funding the whole university now anyways (*please do not quote me on this).

It's been a long time since I blogged and it's not that I have nothing to say, in fact, i have heaps! Time is just running ahead of me all the time these days. Well, i sort of let it does that anyways. Hence, that explains why i'm either up at 4 30am or 0630am every morning. The news that classes are canceled today came like a unfolded like a scroll from heaven! I am more than happy to come in to the library as soon as its doors open to work on our radio rough cut.

Speaking of radio....I meant to blog on that....and on Christine Germanches, the very old and sweet Macedonian lady whom we interviewed. I guess I'll tie that in my reflection after the entire project ends.

I'll have to continue later....got to go chase time again. XOXO.